you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I want her autograph on my taint
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
