True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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