I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
