I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
