I'm drive I can fine osifer
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
