Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I am available for nakedness
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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