suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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