there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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