worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
