How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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