That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
