i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
