Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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