Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
