Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
