Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
