today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Even my vagina gasped.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
