so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
