when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
