If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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