If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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