Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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