just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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