all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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