i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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