Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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