Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
