Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think your dad took our porno
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
