he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Who died my cat blue again?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
