At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
