so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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