What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize