He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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