I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
