You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
