Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize