I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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