dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
