I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
