Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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