So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
