Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
