does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
