in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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