I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
