Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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