I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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