ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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