please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
