Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
