Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
