I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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