She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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