the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
