wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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