Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
