lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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