Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
