I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
