I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
