he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We smell like vodka and hangover
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
