Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
