we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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