His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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