yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
