adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
