Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize