I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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